


winter comes and goes

by magicbeanstalk



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 19:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30110724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicbeanstalk/pseuds/magicbeanstalk
Summary: Sometimes Jisoo doesn't think she can get out of bed.
Kudos: 8





	winter comes and goes

Sometimes Jisoo doesn’t think she can get out of bed.

Of course she does eventually, she has too much stuff to do and if she doesn’t get herself up and ready for the day Lisa or Rosie come and bother (help) her until she does.

But oh, how she wishes she could stay in bed.

Especially now, when the short winter days bring seemingly endless darkness.

\--------

On her free days she’s taken to just lying in bed in the dark.

She thinks she likes it like that. It’s quiet and it's peaceful and she can be alone with her thoughts.

Though she sometimes wonders if that's a good thing, for without the distraction of busy schedules and playful members her thoughts can stray to places she would rather they didn’t.

Thoughts that lead to images of blood dripping down the backs of her hands, thoughts of just pulling that blade across the fragile skin of her wrist and ending it all-

She’s too tired to actually get up and do it though, so she guesses her imagination will have to suffice.

\--------

Her room gets messier and messier, though she’s not sure how when all she seems to do is sleep.

\--------

She’s not sure how often she eats. 

Most days someone will come in with some food and a glass of water, and she’ll nibble a bit of it before her energy is all spent up and she just lies down again.

On other days she will somehow gather the energy to get out of bed and shuffle slowly to the kitchen, where her members wait for her with hopeful eyes and a plate of her favourite food always ready.

She feels bad for doing this to them.

She wonders how much longer she can keep this up.

\------

Sometimes, on those dark winter days, Jennie would come into her room, her eyes concerned and her cute cheeks pulled into a painfully sad smile. And she’d ask if she could sit with Jisoo for a bit and it makes its way into Jisoo’s hazy mind that maybe she was sad because of her.

And then she feels kinda bad (though she doesn’t feel much of anything anymore, so it's more of a guess than anything else) and says yes, and then they’ll sit in silence in the dark.

(Jisoo tells herself she cares that she can feel Jennie’s concerned gaze on her as she lies wrapped in a blanket and week old pyjamas. She doesn’t think her brain is very good at following instructions.)

\-------

On other days she hears Lisa and Rosie and Jennie talk outside her door in hushed voices.

Jisoo wonders if they think she can’t hear them, but when her mind drifts and her vision fades she thinks they might be right.

\--------

Rosie comes into her room one day and softly pushes the curtains open before leaving with a soft kiss to Jisoo’s pale forehead and murmured words of love and she thinks she should be embarrassed at the state of herself but all she can think is that its fitting how these people, the ones most treasured in her dark heart, let in the light both figuratively and literally.

\--------

She finally takes a bath, and though she had to ask Lisa to run it for her because she just couldn’t muster the energy to turn on the tap and wait, and though she’s not quite up to standing in the shower yet, she’s proud of herself. 

(behind closed doors, her members are proud of her too.)

When she finally drags her tired body out of the tub she finds clean pyjamas and a bed with freshly ironed sheets.

\--------

And finally, the long winter days begin to come to an end and a bright sun shines through her windows.

And as spring awakens, so does Jisoo.


End file.
